What to Wear to a Sikh Wedding — A Real Guest's Guide

You have been invited to a Sikh wedding. It is going to be joyful, loud in the best way, full of food, and quite a lot longer than a Western wedding. Somewhere under the excitement is the real question: what am I supposed to wear, and what happens when I walk in?

We have been dressing wedding guests in Artesia since 1990, and this is the guide we give people who come in three weeks before the date holding an invitation and a slightly worried expression. It covers the clothes and the etiquette, because at a Sikh wedding the two are connected in a way that surprises people.

The short answer

• Dress modestly for the ceremony. Sleeves to at least the elbow, a high neckline, and legs covered to the ankle.
• Cover your head inside the gurdwara. This applies to everyone, men and women, Sikh or not. It is not optional.
• Wear color. Jewel tones are perfect. Skip white, skip black, and skip bridal red.
• You will sit cross-legged on the floor for most of an hour, so wear something you can actually do that in.
• Your shoes come off at the door. Bring socks you are happy to be seen in.
• Expect a morning start and expect to be fed afterward.

What do you wear to a Sikh wedding ceremony?

The ceremony is called the Anand Karaj, and it takes place inside a gurdwara, a Sikh place of worship. Out of respect for the space, guests dress modestly. In practice that means:

• Sleeves. Three-quarter length is the shortest we would recommend. Full sleeves are easier and always right.
• A modest neckline. Nothing low cut.
• Legs covered to the ankle. Floor length, or trousers.
• A dupatta or scarf large enough to cover your head. Most Indian outfits come with one.

A salwar kameez is the single easiest thing to wear to a gurdwara. It is a long tunic over loose trousers, it comes with a scarf, it covers everything it needs to, and you can sit on the floor in it without thinking. If you have never worn Indian clothes before, start here. An anarkali or a sharara set works just as well.

A sari is beautiful and completely appropriate, but it is the harder choice for a first-timer here, because you will be sitting on the floor and getting up again. If you want a sari, ask us for a pre-draped one. It is stitched into shape and goes on like a dress.

Do you have to cover your head at a Sikh wedding?

Yes. Everyone covers their head inside the gurdwara, without exception, and that includes men, women, children, guests and non-Sikhs. It is a sign of humility before the Guru Granth Sahib, and it is the one rule that is never relaxed.

Women usually use the dupatta that comes with their outfit. Men can use a bandana, a handkerchief or a plain scarf. Nearly every gurdwara keeps a basket of head coverings, called ramaal, by the entrance for anyone who arrives without one, so you will not be turned away. But bring your own if you can. It looks like you took the trouble, because you did.

What colors should you wear, and which should you avoid?

Go brighter than you normally would. Emerald, teal, sapphire, mustard, coral, dusty rose, plum, peacock blue. Indian weddings are photographed constantly and color is the whole point.

Three to leave at home:

• White. In many Indian traditions white is worn for mourning.
• Black. Same reasoning, and it reads as somber in a room full of color.
• Bridal red. Deep crimson with heavy gold is very often the bride's. Other reds are fine, and so are pinks, but if a piece looks like it could be a bridal outfit, pick a different one.

You will be sitting on the floor, and it should change what you buy

This is the practical thing almost nobody tells guests, and it matters more than any color rule.

Inside the gurdwara, everyone sits on the floor. Not on chairs. On the carpeted floor, cross-legged, for most of an hour during the ceremony, and again on the floor for the meal afterward. Men sit on one side and women on the other in most gurdwaras.

So before you buy anything, sit down in it. A tight skirt, a short hemline, a stiff structured gown or anything you have to hold in place is going to make a long morning longer. Loose trousers, a full skirt or a well-cut salwar kameez will let you forget about your clothes entirely, which is the point.

Older guests and anyone who cannot sit on the floor are almost always accommodated with a chair at the back. It is a normal request, and nobody minds you asking.

What should men wear to a Sikh wedding?

A kurta pajama is the natural choice: a long tunic over slim trousers. Add a Nehru jacket or a vest and you are dressed for anything the day contains. A sherwani is the most formal option and is usually worn by the groom and close family, so guests generally stay a step below it.

A well-cut suit is genuinely fine, particularly at the reception. If you go that way, choose a jewel tone or something warm rather than black.

You still cover your head. A non-Sikh guest is not expected to wear a turban, and it is better not to attempt one. A scarf or bandana is the correct answer.

What about children?

Children get the easiest version of all of this. Kurta pajama for boys, a salwar kameez or a simple lehenga for girls, in whatever color they will actually keep on. The modesty rules are relaxed for small children, though heads are still covered inside the gurdwara.

What actually happens at the Anand Karaj?

Anand Karaj means blissful union. It is shorter than most people expect, usually around an hour, and it is calm rather than dramatic.

At the front of the hall, raised on a platform under a canopy, is the Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh scripture. Sikhs regard it as a living Guru rather than a book, which is why the room is arranged around it and why everyone faces it.

• Kirtan. Musicians sing hymns. This runs throughout and sets the pace of the morning.
• The couple is seated before the Guru Granth Sahib, the bride to the groom's left, and a scarf is placed to join them, one end held by the groom and the other by the bride.
• The four laavan. This is the heart of it. Four verses composed by Guru Ram Das are sung in turn, and after each one the couple walks slowly clockwise around the Guru Granth Sahib. Four verses, four circles. The four laavan describe the stages of union, moving from righteous living, through love, through detachment from distraction, to a final settled joy.
• After the fourth circle they are married. There are no vows spoken aloud and no exchange of rings within the ceremony. The circling is the marriage.
• Ardas, a closing prayer, said standing.
• Karah prashad. A warm, sweet semolina offering is given to everyone. Accept it with both hands cupped together. It is not optional in the sense that refusing it is a small discourtesy, and it is also very good.

You do not have to do anything except sit, watch, and stand when everyone else stands.

Gurdwara etiquette, in the order you will need it

• Shoes off, head covered before you enter the main hall. There are racks for shoes. This is why socks matter.
• Walk to the front and bow. Sikhs approach the Guru Granth Sahib, kneel and touch their forehead to the floor. Guests are welcome to do the same, and equally welcome to make a small respectful bow instead. Many people leave a small cash offering. It is customary, not required.
• Then sit down on the floor and find a spot.
• Do not point your feet toward the Guru Granth Sahib. This is the one piece of etiquette people trip over. Sit cross-legged, or tuck your feet to the side behind you.
• No alcohol or tobacco anywhere on gurdwara premises, and do not arrive having had either.
• Photographs are usually fine from where you are sitting, but follow what everyone else is doing and never step in front of the Guru Granth Sahib to get one.

If you get something wrong, someone will quietly show you the right way and think nothing more of it. Gurdwaras are used to visitors and are famously patient with them.

What is langar?

Langar is the free communal meal served at every gurdwara, and after a wedding it is served to everyone who came. It is vegetarian, usually roti, dal and a vegetable dish, cooked and served by volunteers.

Everyone sits together on the floor in rows to eat, which is the entire point of it. The langar hall makes no distinction between the wealthy guest and the stranger who wandered in. Sit where there is a space, eat what is handed to you, and say yes when they come round again, because they will.

Why does a Sikh wedding start so early?

Because the Anand Karaj is traditionally held in the morning. Many families schedule it between about 9 and 11 in the morning, with langar around midday. A wedding morning often runs from roughly 9 to 2, and the reception is a separate event later that day or on another day entirely.

Take the invitation time seriously. Arriving during the laavan means walking into a quiet room at the most significant moment of the ceremony.

What if you are not Sikh, or not Indian?

You are welcome, and you are welcome to dress the part. Gurdwaras are open to everyone regardless of faith, and turning up in Indian clothes reads as I took this seriously, which is exactly what the family hopes their guests will feel.

Nobody will think you are wearing a costume. In practice the opposite happens, and you should be ready to be photographed and told you look wonderful by people you have not met. We wrote a whole guide to that question here, because we are asked it more than any other.

The reception is the relaxed one

Dinner, speeches, bhangra, and a much longer leash on what you wear. The modesty rules belong to the gurdwara, not to the evening. Saris, lehengas, a sharp suit, a jacket over a plain shirt, heels you can stand up in. Go as bright as you like.

What it costs

Most guests spend $150 to $250 on a complete outfit. Saris start at $150, salwar kameez from $100, and lehengas from $200. Men's kurta pajamas are $75 to $125, with vests and Nehru jackets from $100. Children's outfits are $50 to $125, most between $50 and $75.

You are not expected to compete with the family. A guest outfit is a guest outfit.

Come in and we will sort it

Bring the invitation, or just tell us it is a Sikh wedding and which events you are going to. We will pull things that cover correctly, sit comfortably on the floor, and photograph well. Most people leave inside twenty minutes with a complete outfit, including the ones who arrive certain they are about to get this wrong.

We are at 18507 Pioneer Boulevard, Artesia, in the middle of Little India. Free parking behind the store. Open Tuesday through Sunday until 6:45 PM, closed Mondays, no appointment needed.

Or message us on Instagram at @loveleensari and send a photo of the invitation. A person answers, usually the same day.

Read next

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• Going to your first Indian wedding — every event in order, and what happens at each
• The men's guide — kurta, jacket, sherwani or a good suit
• What to give as a gift — how much, and why the amount ends in one
• FAQ — hours, parking, sizing and what we carry
• What to wear for Diwali
• What to wear to Garba and Navratri