THE WEDDING GUIDE

Your first Indian wedding

You have been invited to an Indian wedding, probably your first.

LOVELEEN SARI PALACE · ARTESIA · SINCE 1990

Somewhere underneath the excitement there is a quieter thought: I do not actually know what happens at one of these.

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You are not going to embarrass yourself. Indian weddings are built for people who do not know what is going on — plenty of the Indian guests will not know either. Somebody will tell you where to stand. Somebody will put food in your hand before you have asked for any.

We have been dressing wedding guests in Artesia since 1990. The ones who come in three weeks before the date rarely want fashion advice — they want a map. So here is the map.

The short version

• An Indian wedding is usually several events across several days, and you may not be invited to all of them. It is fine to ask which ones.
• The two where Indian clothes really matter are the sangeet — the music and dancing night — and the ceremony. At everything else, wear what you like.
• If you are unsure, color is usually the easiest choice. Traditions around black, white and red vary by ceremony, family and cultural background, so check the invitation or ask us. One exception: at a Parsi wedding, white is the right choice.
• Things will run longer than the invitation suggests, your shoes will come off, and you will be fed more than you planned.

What does ‘Indian festive’ mean on an invitation?

“Indian festive” generally means dressed-up clothing suited to an Indian celebration. It does not automatically mean the most formal thing in the room: the event, timing, venue and the host’s instructions set the level.

You do not need a heavy lehenga or a sherwani just because those are Indian clothes. Choose a look that feels celebratory and lets you move comfortably.

A simpler festive look

For women, a mint pre-draped sari with simple earrings and low heels is polished without being overdone. For men, a cream kurta pajama with clean loafers and an optional ivory Nehru vest is an easy, put-together choice. Wear this level for a daytime celebration or a relaxed event that still asks guests to dress festively.

A dressier festive look

For women, a navy pre-draped sari with a sequined blouse, statement earrings and dressier shoes works for an evening celebration. For men, a sequined kurta with white trousers and polished loafers feels festive without requiring a sherwani. This is a good direction for a sangeet or a dressier evening party.

It is not one day

In India a wedding can run three to five days. In California it is usually squeezed into a long weekend — two or three events across Friday and Saturday, then the ceremony on Sunday morning. Your invitation may list all of them, or list one and quietly assume you know about the rest.

If you are not sure which events you are expected at, ask whoever invited you. Nobody has ever been offended by which parts would you like me at?

The events, in order

The mehndi — nice if you would like to

The mehndi is the henna party. An artist draws intricate designs on the bride’s hands, arms and feet, which takes hours, and guests usually get something smaller done too. It is relaxed, mostly sitting and talking, and often the first event of the week.

Indian clothes are lovely here, and a Western outfit is completely fine. The one practical thing: henna paste stays wet for a long time and stains whatever it touches, so do not wear sleeves you are attached to. More on what happens at a mehndi.

The haldi — dress for it, just not in your best

The haldi is the turmeric ceremony. Family members smear a bright yellow turmeric paste on the bride and groom for luck and good skin, and by the end a fair amount of it has found everyone else in the room.

It is a proper celebration and worth dressing for — but turmeric is very hard to get out, so this is the one event where you leave your most expensive piece at home. Something simple and inexpensive in cotton is exactly right, ideally yellow, which is traditional. Families often hand out matching yellow outfits so nobody has to think about it. More on what happens at a haldi.

The sangeet — yes, absolutely

The sangeet is the music and dancing night, usually a day or two before the wedding. Both families perform choreographed routines they have been rehearsing for weeks, with varying success and total commitment. Then the floor opens and everyone dances until late.

This is the single best night to wear something Indian. Everyone dresses up, these are the photos people actually keep, and it is the most fun you will have all week. Go brighter than feels sensible. More on what happens at a sangeet.

The ceremony — yes, absolutely

The wedding itself: the most formal event of the week, and the other one to dress properly for.

It often opens with the baraat — the groom’s procession. He arrives with his family dancing in front of him in the street, behind a drummer, sometimes on a horse, always slower than anyone planned. If you are on the groom’s side you are welcome to join in. If you would rather watch, watch.

What happens next depends on the family’s faith, and the differences are real rather than cosmetic. Rather than guess, read the one that matches your invitation:

• Hindu weddings — the fire, the seven steps, and why it runs long
• Sikh weddings — the Anand Karaj, and covering your head in the gurdwara
• Muslim weddings — the nikah and the walima

One thing holds across all three: ceremonies are less hushed than Western guests expect. People move around, take photographs, step outside and come back. Sit near the back if you would rather watch than be watched. Nobody minds.

The reception — whatever you like

Dinner, speeches, more dancing, and by far the most relaxed event to dress for. Indian, Western or a blend of the two — an Indian jacket over a plain shirt, or a sari with heels you can stand up in. You will see all of it in the room.

The practical things nobody mentions

Everything runs long

Start times are an intention rather than a promise. A ceremony called for 10 AM may begin at 11. Arrive when you were told, expect to wait, and do not turn up late to compensate — the one time you do, it will start on time.

Your shoes will come off

At a gurdwara, a temple or in someone’s home, shoes come off at the door. Wear something you can slip out of without sitting down, and socks you are happy to be seen in.

Related, and delightful: at many Hindu weddings the bride’s sisters steal the groom’s shoes during the ceremony and ransom them back afterward. If you are on the groom’s side you may be recruited as security. Take it seriously. You will lose.

You will be fed constantly

Not once — continuously. Food before the ceremony, food after it, snacks between events, then a full dinner at the reception. Do not eat beforehand, and do not fill up at the first table. At some point an older relative you have never met will decide you look hungry and fix it.

Gifts

Cash in an envelope is standard and welcome, and the amount traditionally ends in a one — $51, $101, $251. There is a reason for that, and it is a nice one. Here is how much is normal.

What to wear, and what it costs

Match colors to the event. White and bridal red are worth checking with your hosts, especially for the ceremony. Save a black kurta pajama for the sangeet or an evening reception unless the hosts welcome it at the ceremony too. A vest is optional. Emerald, teal, mustard, coral, dusty rose, navy and plum are other festive options.

You do not have to learn the vocabulary before you shop, but the words worth knowing are sari (a long drape worn over a fitted blouse), salwar kameez (a long tunic over loose trousers, and the easiest thing to wear if this is all new) and lehenga (a long full skirt with a cropped top). For men, a kurta pajama — a long shirt over slim trousers.

Most guests spend $150 to $250 on a complete outfit — saris, salwar kameez and lehengas all sit in that range, with the simpler pieces at the lower end. Men’s kurta pajamas are $75 to $125. Children’s outfits are $50 to $125, with most between $50 and $75. You are not expected to compete with the family.

Come in and let us do the thinking

Come in, tell us whose wedding it is and which events you are going to, and we will pull things off the rails for you. Most people leave inside twenty minutes with a complete outfit, including the ones who arrived certain they were about to get this wrong. If you are not a guest but part of the wedding party, that is a different job with a longer runway: the bridesmaid outfit order form and the groomsmen order form put a whole party in one color, made to measure, about three months ahead. Sooner than that, come in and buy off the floor.

We are at 18507 Pioneer Boulevard, Artesia, in the middle of Little India. Free parking behind the shop. Open Tuesday through Sunday until 6:45 PM, closed Mondays. No appointment needed, and a photo of the invitation helps more than you would expect. If you would rather ask before you drive over, message us on Instagram at @loveleensari.

Still deciding whether to buy something or borrow it? Here is our take on rent vs buy an Indian wedding outfit.

Read next

• Can I wear Indian clothes as a non-Indian? — the short answer is yes, and here is why
• What is a sangeet? — the dancing night, and the one to dress up hardest for
• What is a mehndi? — henna, drying time, and why you cannot use your hands
• What is a haldi? — turmeric, and what to wear when it gets everywhere
• The men’s guide — kurta, jacket or a good suit
• Coordinating as a couple — how to match without matching
• The first-timer checklist — what to sort out before you shop

Come try on the outfits

See the colours, feel the fit, and try a few styles in our Artesia fitting rooms. We’ll help you find an outfit that feels right for you and your event. Walk-ins welcome.

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